funnys and qoutes

Wtf is up with the porn in the background? O.o"

i would have cropped it out but hubby was tired of waiting for me to start moving again

NIXON'S BACK!

I have nothing better to do than spam axis power hetalia Wales xD also go watch the cartoon tis cute :3

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts." They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who endured the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

I created those ballz!

Scorchys wrote:

Game I'm playing has to many innuendos for my virgin mind QQ

First off, what game is this?

Secondly, I can help 'upgrade' your virgin mind ^.-

Ar tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel

Almost..-almost- and i say almost a H-games with the past two games having sexy innuendos

A game where you have to get close to the girls..and strip their cloths to get more powerful<_< See the ar tonelico I for innuendos video i posted around here:P


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ar_tonelico_Qoga

Swedish armed forces.. what a disappointment...

DAILY DOSE



There's a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts 'Praise the Lord!'.
The atheist yells back, 'There is no God'.
She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says 'Praise the Lord'.
The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there's the groceries she's asked for, of course she says 'Praise the Lord'.
The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, 'Ha, I bought those groceries - there is no God'.
The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts 'Praise the Lord --- not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!'
---------------------------------------------------------------
Why Parents Drink


The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? ' 'Is your daddy home?' ' Y es, he's out in the garden ,' whispered the small voice. 'May I talk with him?' The child whispered, ' No .' So the boss asked, 'Well, is your Mommy there?' ' Yes, she's out in the garden too ' 'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No .' Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?' ' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman. ' Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?' ' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child. 'Busy doing what?' ' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men. ' Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, 'What is
that noise?' ' It's a helicopter ' answered the whispering voice. 'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. ' The search team just landed a helicopter ' 'A search team?' said the boss. 'What are they searching for?' Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.... ' ME '
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The Year's Best Headlines

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Miners Refuse to Work
after Death
Those good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Juvenile Court to Try
Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
Ya' think?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cold Wave Linked to
Temperatures
Who would have thought!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Enfield Couple Slain;
Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man Struck By Lightning:
Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Study of Obesity Looks for
Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Astronaut Takes Blame for
Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Local High School Dropouts Cut
in Half
Chain-saw Massacre all over again!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hospitals are Sued by
7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AAADD- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better, even though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention
Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide
it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, And notice that
the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
On the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
Since I'm going to be near the mailbox When I take out the garbage
anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
And see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, So I go inside the house
to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks,
But first I need to push the Coke aside So that I don't accidentally
knock it over.
The Coke is getting warm,
And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, A vase of flowers on the
counter Catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Coke on the counter and
Discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, But first I'm going to
water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, Fill a container with water
and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the
remote, But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, So I
decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, But first I'll water
the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, Get some towels and wipe up the
spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
Remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
The car isn't washed
The bills aren't paid
There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
The flowers don't have enough water,
There is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, And I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
And I'll try to get some help for it,
But first I'll check my e-mail....
Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, Because I
don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!
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Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six- year-olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
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When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was
asked by
the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example
of empire building' by George Bush.

He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United
States has sent many of its fine young men and women
into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders.
The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return
is enough to bury those that did not return.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of
international engineers were taking part, including French
and American. During a break, one of theFrench engineers
came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest
dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft
carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What
does he intend to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our
carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several
hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply
emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they
have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000
people three meals a day, they can produce several
thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each
day, and they ca rry half a dozen helicopters for use in
transporting victims and injured to and from their flight
deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does
France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference
that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian,
Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception,
he found himself standing with a large group of Officers
that included personnel from most of those countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped
their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that,
whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn
only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have
to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking
French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe
it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans
arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in
Paris by plane At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his
passport in his carry on.
'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer
aske sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France
previously
Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.'
The American said, ''The last time I was here, I didn't have to
show it.
'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports
on arrival in France!'
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard
look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore
at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country,
I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

Game master chatt. drakeblade aka tjuven got stuck in uldum on a tbc acc.

Game master Ementhis: Greetings taintedmeat i am game master Ementhis, I apologise for interrupting your gameplay, Do you have a moment to discuss the help you request you submitted ?
Taintedmeat : I dident do it!
Game master Ementhis: Sorry ?
Taintedmeat : Yeah, i got this friend you see, and hes stuck at 33,30 uldum
Game master Ementhis: I see, and you brought him to uldum ?
Taintedmeat : ... yeah.
Game master Ementhis: Using your rocket mount then i assume ?
Taintedmeat : .... yes
Game master Ementhis: I'd advise against going around exploring with his char untill he bought the wrath and cataclysm , otherwise this will mostly happen again. Anything else i can help you with this evening ?
Taintedmeat : Yeah, I died in arena today, Me ! could you buff my hunter please ?
Game master Ementhis: well having briefely looked into this, sounds like a l2p issue.

lawl learn to play issue XD

Not really funny just lazy to upload this in music area>.>

... Lol'd hard. XD

see? i can laugh at myself :3

X-Hero says
*grins slightly* Everything went quicker than expected. . .
Sally Marenwolf says
get back on then
X-Hero says
(memebase ref. . .) *blinks a bit, then facepalms* Could have said that better. . .
Sally Marenwolf says
oooh
i see the innuendo in those comments now
X-Hero says
-_- shaddup. . .
Sally Marenwolf says
*copy pastes to qoutes*