Erotic Exploits of a Terrarian Adventurer

Entry 1, Day 53:

I've been at this journey for a little over a month, and I've yet to see any action! The other night I saw this naked dryad bathing in a spring, so I took my sword and cut her head off. I was stinking pretty bad, too, so I decided to dispose of the corpse for later and bathe.
When I was done I set up a campfire and roasted the dryad, who tasted good with this salt I found somewhere. I just woke up, so I'm going to look around, will continue writing tonight.


Entry 2, Night of Day 53:

I was traveling down a dirt path and stumbled across some werewolves that were mating, I CANNOT UNSEE IT! So something about that made me hungry, and I decided to kill them with my silver arrows. It was easy since they were doing their thing.
As of now I'm sitting here eating...some part of them. I hope I don't contract Lycanthropy.

Entry 3, Evening of Day 55:

Gods help me, the past day or two I've been puking my lungs out, and I can't figure out why! It can't be all the exotic shit I've been eating...well that dryad toe went down a little odd, but I'm sure it passed fine. I feel something else coming up, I threw up a canine tooth earlier and made a necklace out of it. It's odd, back at the village they said I was a freak, after I ate a couple of cats and an orphan! WELL look who's laughing now!

Entry 4, Day 57:

I can't believe my luck! I was walking down a path eating a fried dragon penis, and I found a skeleton covered in magical artifacts!
I quickly looted them, and crushed them into a fine powder. Man, that shit was better than cocaine.

Entry 5, Morning of Day 58:

I'm a corpse looting faggot.

*The words are scribbled out, but still visible*

Entry 6, Noon of Day 60:

I really wish I could erase that...so, as it happens that corpse I looted decided to be an (censored), haunt me, and write in my journal. Now he's hovering over my shoulder as I write. I decided to name him Ghasty MacGuyver, he seems okay with it.

Entry 7, Evening of Day 61:

Today Ghasty and myself found a town, the people there didn't seem happy to see him though. I feel bad for the poor guy, even though he's an (censored).

Entry 8, Noon of Day 62:

Greetings, I am the one he calls Ghasty. Him having snorted my artifacts, I am forcing him to share his journal. How can a ghost write, you may be wondering? We can. In any case, anyone who reads this journal is a tool ,and deserves to be eaten by mating werewolves. Yes, Morice, I saw your dream.

Entry 9, Morning of Day 63:

Nothing above is true! Well some of it is, but most of it isn't! Gods damned ghosts! If he wasn't so good at cooking animal parts I'd get a priest and be rid of him!

Entry 10, Noon of Day 65:

Ghasty and I are sitting in camp playing cards. He insisted we make it interesting, so the loser has to eat his own clothing. Now that I think about it, Ghasty doesn't even wear clothes!

Entry 11, Evening of Day 66:

Walked halfway to the next town today. Ghasty thinks it will only be about five more days until we arrive, but I'm not so sure. He is convinced I need to quit making stops to collect squirrel dung to apply to my Special Stew, but that would be insane! I mean ,the tangy flavor it gives is just scrumptious!

Entry 12, Afternoon of Day 71:

We entered the town today, I was sick the whole time. That damned ghost told the doctor I had eaten a fried dragon penis, and now he's convinced I have something called "Dragon Penitis". Apparently my hands will turn to stone, and my crotch will become infested with geckos! Sounds like foolishness to me.

Entry 13, Early morning of Day 72:

My hands are numb, and my crotch itches ferociously. I keep checking for geckos, but nothing's there! I feel my hands hardening as I manage to write this. Should I die, I want all the little orphans to know that if your mother is dead, I probably ate her corpse. It was delicious.

Entry 14, Noon of Day ...I forget:

How long has it been...? Days? Weeks? Hours? I lost track of time...

My hands have turned back to normal, and my nethers are no longer ridden with reptilian life. I woke up in this inn, but there's no sign of
Ghasty, or anyone for that matter. The whole town is deserted. I'm going to look around, hopefully someone remains who can tell me what happened.



Entry 15, Evening of New Day 1:

It's all gone! Everything, the people have been turned into undead! I've barricaded myself in my room, I can hear them now calling for me...

all they want is my brains!


Entry 16, Afternoon of New Day 2:

Today I left my room in search of food. Unfortunately the only source of food seems to be the countless undead roaming the streets...so I ate one. And then another. The zombies keep giving me odd looks, and they seem to be staying away from me. Hold on, that fat one looks especially appetizing. He he he...

Entry 17, Noon of New Day 3:

I left the town this morning, much to the zombies delight. I now head for the next town over, as I wish to seek out another dragon penis which I might fry and devour. It's totally worth the crotch geckos and petrified hands...